


That Voice

by thedrunkenwerewolf



Series: Heirverse: Phase 5 (Aftermath) [3]
Category: Bleach
Genre: Angst, Communication, Family, Family Bonding, Hearing Voices, I Will Go Down With This Ship, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Meta, Metaphors, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Original Character(s), Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Psychological Trauma, References to Depression, Swearing, a very self indulgent fic, after the war, but better with series context, hopefully a ripe old age, i will die writing this series, mild PTSD, self indulgent fic, standalone story, story cross references, talking about important things
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-02
Updated: 2019-12-02
Packaged: 2021-02-26 06:47:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,121
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21649282
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thedrunkenwerewolf/pseuds/thedrunkenwerewolf
Summary: The war's over and Aizen and Gin have a new life now and a son to raise. Things are better now. But Aizen sees so much of his past self reflected back at him in his son. More so when the boy confides in him that he hears a voice in his head telling him he's worthless. Making him worry history will repeat. Heirverse phase 5. Standalone story. Family/angst/mild fluff.
Relationships: Aizen Sousuke/Ichimaru Gin
Series: Heirverse: Phase 5 (Aftermath) [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1406584
Kudos: 2





	That Voice

**Author's Note:**

> Business - heirverse is mine but bleach is not.
> 
> inspired by an episode of Bojack horseman (for the voice bit) and surprisingly my own dad (for the conversation after minus the cigarette bit)
> 
> a/n – it's so so weird posting again after taking a month off. But here we are. I'm still working out what I want phase 5 to look like but this feels like a nice step in the right direction :) also this was a working title that just stuck. It's not the best but it's what we have.
> 
> Notes – standalone story but like always is SO much better with series context. Mentions of past psychological trauma re voice. Mild ptsd re voice. Family bonding. Hints at mental health issues being genetic. Hints of melancholy. And the first thing I've loved writing out of my solo works in a while outside of Fisher.
> 
> Anyway enjoy the story and please let me know what you think. Even if that's just "this is garbage I hate it so you suck". Feedback is always helpful in telling me what to write/post more of (or less of). And it's always nice to hear what parts people enjoy.

_I met a boy whose eyes showed me that the past, present and future were all the same thing._

_\- Jennifer Elisabeth_

**That Voice**

Aizen sighed as he looked out the patio door window, mug of tea in hand, and saw his teenage son sitting on the decking steps, smoking a cigarette. Autumn breeze tousling his thick brown hair. A feeling of hollowness passed through his insides; it was too much like looking in a mirror.

Go talk to him, Kyouka urged him. Talk to your son.

He went to do just that. He placed his hand on the door handle and went to go out to see Erik. It troubled him seeing his little boy so... troubled. Nobody should look that troubled.

He took a deep breath, and went to open the door... and waited for it. The onslaught. The barrage. The voice.

Only to realise nothing would come.

The space in the back of his mind - the space the voice used to live in - was empty now.

He was still getting used to that.

There was no voice. Just empty headspace. Empty echoes of what used to be.

But he knew what it _would_ be saying. He could still hear faint whispers of it. Traces. Echoes.

_Just leave him. Let him work out shit on his own. He'll be fine. Fine. Besides, you don't want to wreck his life do you?_

_Do you?_

_Or maybe you do._

_Well even if you don't want to you're gonna do it anyway. Just like you fucked up everything else in your miserable life._

_You're gonna ruin him. You know that, right? Because no matter what you do, your poison is already in him. Just like it's inside Gin. It's in there and there's nothing you can do._

He closed his eyes. Fought the echo. _That's not true_. He argued. But it just laughed. And started throwing barrage after barrage of bad thoughts at him.

_Yeah, it is, you stupid piece of shit. You're a real stupid piece of shit, and everywhere you go you destroy people. You're poison. You're a bad person. That's why Yuki died, why Gin'll never forgive you for cheating no not really. Nevermind what you did to everyone else. Because that's what you do, just poison everything you touch. Now there's Erik. What're you gonna do to Erik, huh? How are you gonna fuck him up? What ya gonna do, asshole?_

He grit his teeth and felt the screeching in his head.

**_Shut up!_** He thought. And immediately the world quieted again. He took a moment to calm himself again and with a last deep breath, pushed the door open and went over to his son. Sitting down beside him. "Bad day?"

Erik sighed. "The worst."

"What happened?"

"Well first I fucked up my piano recital. And then I got in a fight with a friend."

"That's rough. What did you guys fight about?"

"Something stupid. But I really hurt her feelings." He sighed again. "Am I a bad person?"

"Everyone does shitty things sometimes," Sousuke told his son. Because wasn't that the truth? "Some just... more shitty than others." He admitted. Thinking of all his own past mistakes. What he'd done to Gin. "But it doesn't make you a bad person. I'm sure if you apologise to her she'll come around."

Erik sighed again. Eyes up at the stars. He really could've been an Aizen Sousuke in miniature. And he had to wonder, is this how I look?

"I know. And I'll apologise to her tomorrow. But it's just..."

Sousuke watched him carefully, waiting for him to find the words he was looking for.

"It's like, sometimes I have this tiny voice in the back of my head that just says "Hey, everyone hates you! And they're right to feel that way because you're a bad person!"

Sousuke nodded soberly. Fingers curled around his mug of hot tea. Staring into the drink. "I know what you mean."

Because boy did he know. Hadn't he lived with that, only amplified by a thousand, for the last two centuries?

Perhaps longer.

Hadn't it just taken what was already there in his own mind and cranked it up as far as it could possibly go?

His insides sank. Would his family always be plagued by voices?

They both sat in silence for a little while, gazing out at the night sky, until Erik spoke again.

"Hey, dad. That... voice. The one in your head that tells you you're stupid and worthless and everyone hates you. It... goes away, right?"

Sousuke glanced at his son. Who'd turned to him with uncertainty in his eyes and self doubt written all over his face. The twin demons that had plagued Sousuke all his life. And oh god it was like looking into a little mirror so much it made his chest tighten.

Because how on earth was he supposed to answer that?

Sousuke stared up at the sky again, feeling that hollow feeing again. Feeling the ghosts of his previous life pass through him once more. And he felt the chill of the night more acutely for those few moments.

Did that voice ever really go away?

Had his?

He let his heart settle back heavily into his chest and his lips to curve into a soft smile. "Yeah," he said gently. "It does. But you gotta give it a really good kick first. And You have to put the work in. Every day. To make sure it doesn't come back. And it doesn't, well... you can always talk to us about it. We might not always be able to help, but we'll try."

It was the closest thing to the truth he could give. If a truth about it even existed. But he could only speak from his own experience.

Even so, he watched Erik's face soften into a smile of relief. Apparently it had been the right answer. "Thanks, dad."

"Anytime, kiddo," Sousuke smiled, putting an arm around his boy. "Now put that out. You shouldn't be smoking and I've told you about stealing my cigarettes."

Erik opened his mouth like he was about to argue, but Sousuke gave him a look and he did as he was told. Probably softened by their earlier conversation.

"Yes, dad."

"Now come inside before you catch cold."

Erik put out his smoke, an stood to follow him back into the house. Looking a lot more hopeful than he had when Sousuke first came out. "Okay, dad."

He watched Erik go inside, and spent a quiet moment gazing out into the garden trying not to look too closely at the ghosts, or wonder too much about whether they were all doomed, before going back in himself.


End file.
